|| I don't knoooow!
Allright allright allright...
So I'm sitting here, with a celtic cross spread laid out infront of me. You guys know what I asked about.. and if not I don't care. The outcome card is The Devil. It's actually a good card in this situation I suppose. Everything is dead on. Isn't Tarot fun? x__n
I am sooo ticked off right now. But not so much mad, dissapointed and frustrated. It seems that everything good that happened this past week or so backfired in my fucking face. That myspace creep. What an asshole. Tried to blame everything on me! HE was the one who tried to phone sex me and shit (did w/ Crys too, which made me extra mad cuz I don't want ANYONE messing w/ my friends)and then he says I'm self absorbed and coy. I'm ashy person when I first meet people you guys know that. He thought it was an act. AN ACT! asshole... Part of me wishes he was right here, so I could dig out his flesh with my nails. What's the point of trust in this world? It's gone. I don't believe in it much anymore. Then there was something else that turned up, that might have been wonderful, but I found out 10 mins earlier that it didn't exist. I don't know what to do about this situation. *sigh* so that's what the celtic cross was for. I still don't know if the omen was good or not. I'm pretty sure it is, but not good in how others might see it.
Here's the thing: Ever since summer started, I've been questioning all of my values and morals. I've been tryuing to figue out my philosophy on life. NOW I know why Thearou went to the woods in Walden. There are so many unwanted influences, that just when I think my mind is straight, something conflicts, and I have to question everything again.
I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE OUT! Honestly, I need to be myself. I don't want such a controllinh enviornment. There is nothing I can do in my own home that I can do without worrying. Worrying, "oh, what if my mom comes in" or "Oh, I know they are going to be ticked off at his", or " what if there isn't any food". I just KNOW I could fix things, I KNOW I would be happy and at peace, but the even most material and insignificant plans of others always come before the necessities of answering the great questions in life. WHO AM I, WHERE AM I GOING, AND WHAT AM I GOING TO FIND WHEN I GET THERE? It's the classic story of all human society, no one finds a point to anything. I'm restricted by "opportunity".
I'm hungry. I had tuna fish and chips for dinner. THe largest meal I had all day was miniwheats and a Pop Tart for breakfast. THat reminds me.... I forgot Katie's Pop Tart again --;;;
The highlight of my day was going to the mall w/ OOkami and Lilly chan. Cuz we went to this bookstore, and they had the coolest witch book. I want to buy it (i need a job *gags on the word*). The author was this really awesome chick, who had these two snakes (that's most of my attraction to the book right there, the snakes). There were pictures of her in there (some of them she was naked. There were boobs! XD I can hear Katie and Emily yelling at me, and Doku confirming I'm a lesian XP. I saw these two girls making out at summerschool, and it was really cool. OKay, this is the longest thing I've ever put between two parenthesis) with Lulu (a snake) and showed her doing salutes and rituals, and walks. OH it is sooo awesome. I want to have the freedom to do that when I move out. I'm dedicating one of my rooms to the magick.
Hmmm... what else. my snake is getting fat. She's so cute! X3 I ove her! I took her in the shower and she got all nice and clean!!!!
I'm doing a lot of projects (or at least planning them anyway). Another one is I'm going to make a dragon board (like a ouija board only for astral entities). Soooo cool! Maybe, if it works, people can do it with me! HA! awesomeness.
Wow. This is really long. I think I'm going ta cut it out....